Helpful Scripts

Introducing The 5-Star Approach

Tone: Casual, positive
Emphasis: my effort to change me
Don’t: Ask for them to participate or do anything (except offer a bit of honest advice)
Don’t: Ask them if it’s okay
Do: Let them know to expect some positive changes
Tip: Nod your head and smile as you speak. It will reassure both of you.
  • [idle chit chat] Well hey, I have some great news for you – is this a bad time? 
  • No? Great! I was thinking about how I could be a better teammate, and I’ve decided to enroll in a program to help me with some of my work relationships, and I just wanted to let you know I’ll be putting some intentional effort into our relationship. 
  • So you can expect some positive changes from me over the next few months. 
  • You don’t have to do a thing. I’ll just be working on improving me.

Introducing The Ultimate Relationship Question

Tone: Interested, respectful, casual, positive
Do: Use the exact script for The Ultimate Relationship Question 
Do: Blame the program for making you ask these strange questions (not your idea). 
Don’t: Get defensive, contradictory, or make excuses
Do: In response, just say thank you. Don’t explain how you’ve been working on it, or how they haven’t noticed your efforts, or how wrong they are.
Do: Pursue a number – so you can record it in the Dashboard.
Do: Also record the sidekick question “What can I do to make it better?” in the Dashboard.
Tip: Nod your read as you speak.
  • As you may or may not know, I’m working on some of my work relationships. I was wondering if I could ask you for a little piece of advice on our relationship?
  • Yes? Okay well this might sound a little odd, I’m supposed to ask you two questions. Is that okay? 
  • Yes? Okay, the first one is just a baseline question. “On a 5-star scale, how would you rate our relationship?” [half numbers are okay 1, 1.5, 2, 2.5 etc.] 
  • Thank you. I’m sorry I haven’t been better. I’m going to work on that.
  • The second question is: “What can I do to make it better?”
  • Ok. Thank you.

Agreeing on a 5-Star Experience

Do: Keep it work related – to accomplish their and/or your team’s priorities
Do: If they ask for something outside of healthy work boundaries, say: “Well, I can’t do that, so what else would make a 5-star experience for you today?”
Do: Thank them, let them know when you’ll have it done, and how you’ll let them know when it’s done
(even it takes longer than a day).
  • Well hello [name of counterpart], I’ve been thinking deeply about what you said the other day, and about how I might improve. My program is telling me that experiences build relationships and I’d like to create some 5-star experiences for you to improve our relationship – because I do want to work up to a 5-star work relationship with you. I’d like to start out with just one for today. 
  • What would make a 5-star experience for you? 
  • What can I help you accomplish today?
  • OR: Would it be a 5-star experience for you if I…

Giving The 5-Star Thank You

Tip: This is The 5-star Approach to saying: I think you’re a good person (in some particular way). The example and the “thank you” make it specific and meaningful.
Character Traits: Integrity, hard work, genuine care/compassion, thoughtfulness/attention to detail, sacrifice, persistence, humility, leadership, vision, attentiveness, present in the moment, positive, inclusive, clever, etc.
Tip: Use 5-star language whenever possible. It cues them that they’re building the relationship without even trying or being asked. Big points.
  • Hi [name of counterpart], I just noticed how you did [action] yesterday and it made me glad that I work for a company where people exhibit that type of [name character trait]. Thank you.
  • OR, [name of counterpart], I saw your message about [topic] last week and I wanted to tell you how much your [character trait] means to me. Thank you.
  • OR, [name of counterpart], I wanted to tell you, it was a real 5-star experience for me when you did that thing for me/someone. It means a lot to me. Thank you.

Giving The 5-Star Apology

Don’t: Apologize if you don’t mean it.
Think about the other person as someone’s daughter/son, mom/dad, sister/brother, etc. 
Offer to do things that are sustainable.
Maintain healthy boundaries.
Ask your boss for advice if you’re stuck.
Put recurring appointments on your calendar to remind you to do the thing you’re (re)committing to do.
  • Yes, you’re right. 
  • I’m sorry.
  • I feel bad for not being more kind/thoughtful/straightforward/vigilant
  • I do care about you. 
  • What do you think I could do to make it better?
  • OR, I was thinking that if I did [this tweak] it might be better. Would that be a 5-star experience for you?
  • OR, I will think about how I can be more [characteristic] in the future, and let you know what I come up with.

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