Action Plan

30-Day Action Plan
The 5-Star Approach to Parenting
Three Simple Steps Toward Happy Cooperation and Positive Attitudes

Intro

This Action Plan will help you save hours of time each week that you would have spent arguing and dealing with bad attitudes. It will help you generate the happy cooperation and positive attitudes I promised. The book is great. The results are even better! This action plan will help you get started if you haven’t already.

Day 1

Read the book! If you can’t read the whole thing, read through the first chapter and continue with the next chapter tomorrow. This will be enough to get you going.

I’m serious about reading the book. You might think you’re going to wing it and skip the two or three hours it will take to read the book. I promise if you do this, you’ll spend those hours many times over fighting it out with your kids, like I have for many years before I started using The 5-Star Approach.

Reading the book will lay the groundwork for the application I will guide you through in this Action Plan. Read the book!

Day 2

Print off the 5-Star Tracker, fill in the initials of your kids, today’s date, and make some 5-star experiences! 

Taping the sheet to your mirror or wall where you see it often can keep it top of mind. Consider putting your significant other or co-parent on the tracker as well (and double up on your significant other). It’s a great way to maintain a balance with all family members. 

If there are not enough columns to fit everyone in your family, print off a second sheet. Remember, 5-star experiences don’t need to be elaborate or exciting. They just have to be great for the person who you’re helping to have it.

Day 3

Were you able to create at least one 5-star experience yesterday? Did you fall short with anyone? Try for at least one 5-star experience with each person in your family.

If you haven’t finished the book, read a few more chapters. You’ll see that my advice is born in the trenches. You’ll see that I really mess things up sometimes, and The 5-Star Approach is the best way to recover!

Troubleshoot what you might have missed in any failed attempts. Observe more closely. Listen more carefully. Ask for advice from your kids. It will help.

Day 4

Write down one of the 5-star experiences you created so far. Write it in a journal, in a text message to a friend, or on social media post so you’ll remember it.

If you do chose to share it with others, it could help someone else who is struggling, just like you and I before we found this approach. If you don’t want to share just yet, spend some time working up the courage to share later. The only way to really be happy is to help others be happy.

Day 5

Catch yourself in the struggle (lecturing, yelling, spanking, hiding from, or otherwise punishing your kids). Break free of it by following the three steps: Open, Deliver, Follow up.

Day 6

By this time, you’ll probably recognize some limitation in your ability to be patient, and that the three steps really do work in practically any situation. If you’re anything like me, you’ll have justified your unkindness toward your children many times with excuses (i.e. myths) such as the following: 

  1. I don’t have time/energy/patience to do the three steps.
  2. I’m not creative enough to do this.
  3. My kids really are so nasty they won’t ever change, no matter how I pamper them.
  4. Kids don’t need to be happy all the time.
  5. Kids can’t handle the kind of power Tyler wants me to give them.
  6. They’re asking too much of me.

Identify your favorite excuse and recognize it as a lie that is holding your family back from the happiness you and your children deserve. Write it down on a piece of paper and throw it in the toilet. 

Day 7

While setting firm boundaries, help your kids get what they want! A good leader (in a company and in the home) is one that is useful. The job of a leader in a company is to help employees grow and achieve their dreams (while serving the needs of the company). They are to remove roadblocks for their employees to assist in their success.

Consider what boundaries you’ve imposed for your kids that may not be necessary. Is there a way to work around this boundary? Is there a way to extend trust on a temporary basis? Is there a way to help them get what they want that works for everyone? Ask your kids to do as much of the creative work as possible. Be firm on what needs to stay firm. Besides that, give them the world, one 5-star experience at a time.

Day 8

Read or reread Chapter 3 of the book. What sticks out to you that you didn’t see before? What part of your ego can you give up to help your kids see that you love them? What agenda item can you deprioritize in order to get love to the top of the list? Tell them you love them in a way they recognize, today.

Day 9

Since you’ve been filling out the tracker, where have you identified an opportunity for improvement? One of your kids? A day of the week? Make a plan to compensate with a disproportionate amount of effort to fill the gap.

Day 10

Recalibrate by reading or rereading Chapter 5 in the book. What does a 5-star experience really look like for each of your kids? Is it exciting? Fun? Peaceful? Hone in on the types of things they love, love, love!

Remember, you can’t mess this up because you’ll always have the next opportunity to do better. It can’t get much worse than it has been!

Try, try, again and share a recent win with a friend or on social media. I would also love to hear about it by email (Tyler@5StarApproach.com) or on Facebook.com/5StarApproach.

Day 11

By now, you’re familiar with the jealously game! Who has become jealous of the other members of your family who are getting more 5-star experiences? An uncle? A sibling? Your parents?

Break down the wall by creating a 5-star experience for this person, then talking about the elephant in the room. Make it your thing to help others be happy. When people are happy they’re typically more eager to create happiness for others.

Day 12

Cumulative efforts over time is what makes the changes stick. I’ve had my share of bad days since I started using this approach. What I’ve noticed is that because I’m always trying to help them be happy, they give me a lot of credit on my down days. I can even yell a bit and they look at me with this really forgiving face like “dude, I’m really sorry you’re having a bad day.” I never ever saw my kids cutting me that kind of slack before I started using The 5-Star Approach. 

Once you’ve achieved some cumulative results, ask for their support.

Day 13

It’s lucky number 13! This calls for more apologies. Today, apologize at least three times. You can’t apologize enough. Promise you’re trying to do better. Ask your kids for any specific ideas of how you can do better next time. Sometimes kids will forgive us just becuase they see we’re humbly trying to improve.

Day 14

It’s been two solid weeks since you’ve started. By now you’re probably seeing impressive and memorable results from pretty much everyone in the family. Now it’s time to build up your little army of do-gooders. 

Recruit your kids to help you make a 5-star experience for someone else. If this is the first time, make it a special thing. If they don’t get it, try, try again. When they do get it, this will become a sport for your kids!

Also, print off another 5-Star Tracker at www.5StarApproach.com/Tracker

Day 15

Read or reread Chapter 5. 

You’ve botched it. You had a bad day. Maybe not today. Just beware, you’re going to have one of those times when you’re nagging or micro-managing or yelling or ignoring your kids. 

Take this as the opportunity of a lifetime to break the old habit and change the course of your kids’ childhood. Everyone deserves a great childhood. It can’t be purchased with money. It can be earned with a little time and energy to show them you love them in ways they appreciate.

Day 16

Share another story with your journal, a friend, me (Tyler@5StarApproach.com) or on Facebook.com/5StarApproach. You can also just tag us by using the @5StarApproach in any post. It can be a one sentence story. It can be super simple. We’re all hear to support you and we need your support by sharing.

It’s incredibly entertaining for people to read these stories. You read my book, didn’t you? Help brighten someone’s day by sharing a success or a failure. Ask someone you trust for help if you need it. Or better yet, ask your kids for help. They love to help where help is actually needed and they can be a hero.

Day 17

Read or reread Chapter 6: Opening Your Body Language. Ask your kids or someone you trust to give you feedback on your body language. Another great way to learn about your blind spots when it comes to body language: Ask your kids if it’s okay to film yourself during your next argument. You’ll be shocked at what you learn! I promise!

Another way to get a hold on how you come across is to record your voice (on your phone is super easy with a free app).  I use “Easy Voice Recorder” for my Android. 

Write down a goal you’re going to work on for your body language (or voice intonation).

Day 18

Read or reread Chapter 7: Needs Versus Wants. Make a plan for the next grocery store melt down or similar event. What are you going to do differently? 

Day 19

Read or reread Chapter 8: Reflective Listening for 5-Stars.

You might have an associates degree on each of your children by now. It’s time to get your bachelors. Today, listen on a deeper level. If you already have a bachelors, go for your masters. After that, a PhD. Never stop learning. Keep your heart open.

Day 20

You’ve made it 20 days on your 5-star journey! I know you’ve had some back slideing. Congratulations, you’re human! Welcome to the club! No one is perfect. Let’s keep moving forward. 

Share another story with your journal, a friend, me (Tyler@5StarApproach.com) or on Facebook.com/5StarApproach. You can also just tag us by using the @5StarApproach in any post. It can be a one sentence story. It can be super simple. We’re all hear to support you and we need your support by sharing.

Day 21

Back to basics. Who is hurting today? Who is feeling irritated? Who is bored? Help your kids heal by talking about what urks them. Sometimes these these can store up over a long period of time. Make time to chat. Put your phone in your pocket. Yes, you.

Keep filling out the tracker. Remember, you can create 5-star experiences out of 1-star experiences, 2-star experiences, 3-star experiences, or 4-star experiences. 

Day 22

Today is the day of ‘two’s. See if you can help each of your kids have 2 five star experiences. Remember, if they ask for the moon you can agree to pretend you’re getting them the moon, or they can choose something else. Boundaries are great! Find a way to say yes. 

Day 23

Read or Reread Chapter 9: Delivering Value. 

Give your kids informal interviews or observe them more closely today. Find out their favorite friends, their favorite foods, their favorite shows, their favorite songs, and books. Then invite them to share one or more of those things with you. It doesn’t have to be planned for today. Get it on the calendar.

Day 24

Share another story with your journal, a friend, me (Tyler@5StarApproach.com) or on Facebook.com/5StarApproach. You can also just tag us by using the @5StarApproach in any post. It can be a one sentence story. It can be super simple. We’re all hear to support you and we need your support by sharing.

Seriously, people need to hear your story. The little things that happen in your life that make your home a happier place to live are important for your family’s culture, and for others to learn from. 

If you’re nervous, you can qualify it by saying something like: “I think actually did something right today with my kids…” I do this all the time and it takes away all the nervousness.

Day 25

Read or reread Chapter 10: Checking In. Remember, this type of checking in isn’t to audit their trustworthiness. It’s to find out how you are doing at contributing to their 5-star experience. Are you checking in? Are you asking for feedback? Are you utilizing the feedback you get? Do it!

Be courageous!

Day 26

Read or reread Chapter 12: Decoupling Emotional Support from Task Support. I wrote this chapter knowing that some of you are afraid of graphs. I did my best to make it simple and easy to walk through. Check it out. I think it will make sense to you and help you more easily make 5-star experiences, today.

Keep filling out that Tracker. You’re almost done!

Day 27

Read or reread Chapter 13: Persisting to the End. What did you learn this time? How can you use this to make a 5-star experience today? Remember to add it to your Tracker.

Think of at least one person you can share the book with there will be a challenge on Day 30. Just think about it for now. Who would love a little help with their kids. If they’re readers they love to receive book recommendations. If they’re not, they can probably get a free Kindle book on Amazon (the first one is free). 

Day 28

You’re finished with the second 5-Star Tracker! How did it go?

Share another story with your journal, a friend, me (Tyler@5StarApproach.com) or on Facebook.com/5StarApproach. You can also just tag us by using the @5StarApproach in any post. It can be a one sentence story. It can be super simple. We’re all hear to support you and we need your support by sharing.

Day 29

Reread Chapters 14: Expecting Success and Chapter 15: Summary (They’re both very short). Ask your kids: What kind of day are you going to have today (or tomorrow if it’s at night). Teach them that they can decide what kind of day they’re going to have, and no one can take that away from them. This one thing can have an enormous impact on their quality of life, no matter what else happens. 

In fact, by now they’ve experienced so many 5-star experiences they can see that they can be made at any time of day, independent of the current circumstances. You can encourage them to create their own 5-star experiences for themselves, their siblings, their friends, and even for you. Not everything is a 5-star experience. We can help our kids have more of them!

Day 30

If this was less than helpful, please let me know how I can improve it! 

Tyler@5StarApproach.com

If this was helpful for you, challenge someone else to complete this 30 day action plan. Tell them about your struggle, your progress, habits you’ve created, and results you’ve seen in your relationships with your kids and in their attitudes and behavior.

Don’t tell them they’re bad at parenting. First, create a 5-star experience for them. Then you can say something like: “Hey, sometimes I really stink at working with my kids, and I needed some help, so I read this book and it was awesome and I wanted to share it with you. It also comes with a nifty action plan. ”