Components – The 5-Star Approach

Components – The 5-Star Approach

Welcome to The 5-Star Approach!

We are so excited to help you grow and live a happier life by improving your most important, highest impact relationships.

Whether you’re leading from the top, the middle, the side, or the bottom, you are capable of influencing relationships all around you.

This approach is designed to help you move work relationships from Good to Great.


In this article, I’ll review the major components you’ll see in each of our programs.









Your coach has experience across many industries and is an expert in The 5-Star Approach. They will be ecstatic to get to know you, your environments, and help you grow as rapidly as possible.

Your coach will help you do many things, including:

  • Meet with you weekly for a customized, human to human coaching session.
  • Advise you as you select your highest impact relationships.
  • Coach you as you deploy The Ultimate Relationship Question and create the three types of 5-Star Moments.
  • Guide you to the Learning Resources that will be most beneficial to you.
  • Help you hold yourself accountable to do your Micro-Journaling.

The Ultimate Relationship Question

Every week ask: “On a 5-Star Scale, how would you rate our relationship?”

Sometimes viewed as the ultimate scary question, the ultimate relationship question is the gateway to the most rapid change in your mindset, your behavior, and your reputation.

Reading books and articles and watching videos can be very informative. The limitation with those passive activities is just that: they’re passive. In order to change your life, you need action. You need to put yourself out there and get the tough, nitty gritty feedback that you’ve been missing (or ignoring) your whole life.

This is the pill to swallow that leads to a complete relationship make-over. As soon as you start to ask, you’re showing people that you care, and you’re ready to change. You’re a master of change.

The Sidekick Question is equally important: “How can I make it better?”

If you need more clarity, these follow-up questions can help: 1.I’m eager to understand. What does that look like for you? 2.This is really important to me. Can you give me specific examples? 3.This really is a blind spot for me. Can you please let me know the next time this happens? 4.It’s okay if you can’t put your finger on it right now. Is it okay if we talk more about this later?

If their response is “5” consider asking: “What can I do to keep it that way?” Or, “I feel like I’ve completely failed in this relationship. Honestly, I feel a little lost. I really want to know how it feels from your perspective and specifically what I can do better.”

Learning Resources

The Learning Resources page carry this program’s content.

The resources are packed with valuable tips that cover nuances that come up when you’re applying a very simple approach to a very complex reality with all types of work relationships.

Here are some examples:

  • A podcast about building relationships virtually
  • A video about how to introduce The Ultimate Relationship Question with a colleague
  • A video about how to get other people to do what you want
  • Example scripts on every aspect of The 5-Star Approach

We’re always creating new learning resources.


Several influential leaders have shared some variation this quote:

Where performance is recorded, performance improves, and when it is reported, improvement accelerates.

5-Star Moments are where the magic happens, and Micro-Journaling (1 minute per day) is where the accountability happens.

You’ll want to create a total of five 5-Star Moments each day, across your relationships.

Each time you create a 5-Star Moment, write down the date, 2 or 3 words to help you remember it, and check the appropriate box in the journal to indicate what type of moment it was.

There are 3 types of 5-Star Moments:

  • 5-Star Thank You’s
  • 5-Star Experiences
  • 5-Star Apologies

Each of these has three steps, which are explained in the following pages.

5-Star Thank You’s

While you’ll need to create (or co-create) all three types of moments regularly, the 5-Star Thank You is by far the easiest 5-Star Moment to make.

There are three steps:

  1. Watch for something that your counterpart does for you or for someone else that makes a 5-Star Experience for you. It can be big or small. Usually it’s going to be tiny. In fact, it doesn’t have to have anything to do with you.
  2. Search and find genuine satisfaction, joy, or gratitude from their action. Avoid sarcasm at all costs, so they have less probability of mistaking your sincerity when you need it to be clear that you’re serious.
  3. Share with your counterpart how it made you feel. It can be anything from a text message to a sticky note or casual comment. 

5-Star Experiences

5-Star Experiences are the nitty gritty daily actions that build the other person’s perspective that you are a supportive, trustworthy, respectful, and caring person. This is where you walk the walk. It can be things you start doing, things you do differently, or things you stop doing.

Remember, it doesn’t count as a 5-Star Experience unless your colleague gives the experience a 5-star rating. How do you find out? Ask: “On a scale of 5-stars, how would rate that experience?” If it’s anything less than 5-stars, ask: “How can I make it better?”

Work within existing constraints to collaboratively create that 5-Star Experience.

The Follow Up step is particularly useful before you repeat The Ultimate Relationship Question.

Don’t think of this as a “pat on the back” for yourself. Think of it as a time to seek and receive feedback, and celebrate wins for the relationship.

When you periodically review lists of experiences in this way (experiences that your colleague really enjoyed), it helps them realize you’re working really hard on this relationship, and helps them see the value in it.

5-Star Apologies

If you aren’t the type of person that typically apologizes, you’re about to become one.

Think of building a relationship like adding money to a bank account that you share with a business partner.

In these terms, a 5-Star Apology can sometimes be a critically huge deposit in the relationship’s account, especially when your counterpart feels you were in debt to them.

While apologies come in all different shapes and sizes, the following components can improve the effectiveness of your apology.

What: The offense, & that you’re sorry 

Why: Why change is important to you 

Plan: How you plan to avoid repeating


I’ve created hundreds of thousands of learning experiences for people all over the world, and I’ve coached hundreds of leaders all over the country. When these components are used individually, I have seen solid results. However, when combined, the results become extremely powerful.

What is your highest priority work relationship?

Which of these components might be most beneficial?

On a 5-star scale, how would you rate this overview?

For more information, contact

Published by 5-starapproach

Author, Consultant.

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